So McDonald's has this nifty shake called the shamrock shake. It is green, with whipped cream and a cherry, and is just in time to celebrate St. Patrick's Day, another useless holiday that our nation insists on pretending is a THING. So I said to myself, "Self, I feel like we should try one of these delicious blended ice cream dessert drinkables." So I went and picked one up.
DISAPPOINTMENT ENSUED
Why, you ask?
Well, the fucking thing didn't taste anything like shamrocks at all!!! In fact, it tasted like MINT! I was terribly upset. A shamrock shake they told me. It will taste like shamrocks they said BUT IT DID NOT.
So I begrudgingly finished this hell-treat and marched my fat ass up to the counter. I grabbed the pimply grease ball from behind the counter and said, "WHAT THE FLYING FUCK YOU COCK STAIN, I WANTED A SHAMROCK SHAKE NOT SOME PIECE OF SHIT RUN OF THE MILL MINT SHAKE"
Ok, that last part only happened in my head, but I still went up to him and told him that the shake was made wrong.
"Wrong?" he asked. "We followed the recipe exactly..." I informed him that I was expecting it to taste like shamrocks, and rather than shamrocks, i got mint. MINT A shamrock shake that tastes nothing like shamrocks is like a Proper Gentleman without a monocle. That is to say, HE CAN HARDLY BE CONSIDERED VERY PROPER AT ALL NOW CAN HE!?!?!?
So i told him i wanted another one that tasted like shamrocks, not mint. he asked how a shamrock should taste, with an expression on his face that said, "Sir, I clearly believe that you are either crazy or are suffering a stroke at the current time, but I assure you I will do my very best to humor you because I really need this job to put my minimum wage slave ass through community college so that someday I can get a managerial position and wear a blue shirt instead of a red one."
I informed him that a shamrock should taste like clover, as it is, in fact, a clover.
And lets face it, it's only a 3 leaf clover, not a 4 leaf clover, so its not like its special or hard to find or whatever. Just a simple run of the mill clover. So I'm not entirely sure why it deserved its own special name when its just a stupid fucking weed. if it was a 4 leaf clover it'd be cool. Maybe it would even taste like rainbows and marshmallows, but i digress...
Fact is, i demand my drink to taste as it is labeled. so if my drink is said to taste like garden clover, IT HAD BETTER TASTE LIKE FUCKING GARDEN CLOVER!
(maybe that's why its a shamrock shake. shamrock sounds WAY more appetizing than garden clover.)
so he made me a new shake, and before i left the counter i sampled it.
*sip*
...
............
..............................................
mint.
...
FUCKING MINT.
FUCKING COCK SUCKING WHORE-MONGERING GREEN-BLEEDING MINT!!!!!!!
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...
I slammed the shitty mint shake down on the counter so hard the top blew off and sloshed the dirty lying bastard in fucking mint slop and i high stepped my ass out of that eating establishment.
And that's why I don't eat at McDonalds.
